


You Changed Me

by Remember_Ember



Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, Youtube RPF, jacksepticeye
Genre: Angst, Confusion, Dark Sides, Darkiplier - Freeform, Demon Jack, Demon/Human Relationships, Demons, Experiments, Human Ethan, Human Experimentation, M/M, Romance, Violence, Wounds, antisepticeye
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-21 10:24:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13738863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remember_Ember/pseuds/Remember_Ember
Summary: He's not supposed to love.The other isn't supposed to know....Ethan doesn't think life can get better, but what happens when he runs into a mysterious blue eyed stranger?





	1. Prologue

A dark figure swung at another, wildly, knuckles colliding with his cheek. Dark green vapor seemed to appear with each step he took, each hit he made to his opponent.

The other just smiled hauntingly, jagged teeth visible as he took the hits with no problem. His eyes never left the others as he was pushed backward slightly by the other's anger. He would just laugh every time his feet slid back, before continuing forward and throwing his own swings and kicks that left a red smoke on their trail.

Powerful surges of magic from both soon lit up the room, blood red and dark, almost black, green mixing to create a terrifying array of color around them. The house they resided in shook with each hit, windows rattling and doors creaking.

"He doesn't know about them! About this! I never told him! I was never going to tell him!" the first one said, his blue and green eyes flashing with power as he punctuated each remark with another hit.

"Oh, so what were you going to do, plan on lying to him when he started asking questions? I didn't take you for that kind of man, Anti." the other, slightly taller and much bigger man replied with a chuckle. He pulled back and smirked at the other, pushing his red and black hair backward and dusting off his shirt.

"Don't call me that," Anti said, pulling back as well and pushing his hair back up. He straightened out his hooded shirt with a scowl.

"What, your name? Anti?" The taller said with a smirk, hands falling to rest at his sides lightly. His tone, though it might sound teasing to the ear of a passerby, was all too condescending to be just a light-hearted banter. It was meant to hurt, even if only in a small way.

"...Shut up Dark."

"About what? The fact that you're turning on your own kind? That you've betrayed everyone you've ever cared about? Your family? Me? Him?" Dark's voice was rough and loud. He was trying to make a point. Acting as though he might actually care what would happen if this got out.

"I said... shut UP! I haven't betrayed him! I will never betray him!"

A resounding thump could be heard and the house seemed to shake as Dark was pushed up against the wall. Anti's eyes burned and he sent out electric charges through his hands into the other's body, paralyzing him, if only for a few moments.

"Don't you ever say that to me again." Anti's voice was wavering, changing pitch and tone as if garbled and filled with static. Then he turned and went to leave the room, and Dark, behind him.

Then a deep chuckle arose from Dark, loud enough for Anti to hear. His next words were what glued him to his spot, though, hand on the doorknob and back turned.

"You think he'll still accept you? When he finds out who you really are? Or will you never let him know? Will you keep it from him forever?" The dark, foreboding chuckle rang out sending shivers down the spine of anyone in earshot.

"I... I won't tell him. He'll never know. He'll never need to know." Anti's voice could barely be heard as he spoke, his voice sounding softer than ever.

"You really think he'll never find out? You think you can hide this from him? And when he does find out, whenever he does, how do you think he'll feel?" Anti turned then, facing the other with a ferocious snarl, green flame like vapor surrounding his left eye in anger.

"Look, I've hidden it from him for years, Dark. Don't you get that? I can and I will keep this from him. I'm not telling him and putting him in more danger than he already is."

All that could be heard was Dark's laughter, as he sat against the wall. It was with a cold, malicious smirk, then Dark pushed himself up off the floor slowly, joints still a little stiff. He lifted his arm to point at the closet door next to him in the destroyed room.

"He already knows, Anti." And then he was gone in a dark cloud of smoke, and Anti was left not as alone as he'd hoped. For as he listened, he could hear another beings panicked breaths coming from the closet. He froze in his place, unable to move from the center of the room.

And the closet door began to open.


	2. A Cough in the Alley

Ethan sighed as he stepped out of the cafe. The sky was dark and the clouds were heavy with rain. He took a sip of his coffee and adjusted his beanie, before turning to wave at the girl behind the counter and leaving.

He trudged down the sidewalk as he made his way back home. He paused at the alleyway by his apartment. He could cut his travel time in half by headed down, or he could continue on his way in the light where he could see everything that was around him. He looked up at the sky with a frown.

"Might as well, it's gonna start raining, either way, I go at this point," he mumbled to himself, making the turn and pulling his jacket up around his neck. He couldn't help his eyes darting from left to right as he hummed quietly to himself in the dark.

He had frozen a few times in his walk as he tripped over things and his paranoia and anxiety would make him freeze in fear. But he refused to stop once the rain started, instead, he hurried his pace and pulled his jacket tighter.

He did freeze once more, though, just as he was about to turn on his street, a block away from his complex.

A string of wet, pain filled hacks had come from behind him. He half had just wanted to say he imagined the coughing too. That is until he turned around. There was a man there, faded green hair that was splattered with red blood, a bruised and bloodied face. The man's left arm looked like it had been cut in a line from the shoulder to the wrist. His hooded shirt was bloody and torn, as well as his pants.

Ethan swallowed harshly. The sight was enough to raise bile to his mouth, but he knew he couldn't just leave the guy.

"U-uh, oh gosh, s-sir?" he asked, inching closer to the bloody man resting on the wall.  _How had I not seen him earlier?_ He questioned himself as he got down, lifting his hand to his face to keep the rain out of his eyes.

"Oh gosh, that... you l-look real bad. Should I- should I call the hospital?" he didn't wait for an answer before he was fumbling for his phone, pulling it out and trying to use it with his cold fingers.

"No!" the guy coughed, causing Ethan to look up at him in concern, "No, I... I just need to get cleaned up. Don't need the hospital," he said in a softer tone, his eyes opening a little through their puffy and bruised state. Ethan swore he stopped breathing for a moment.  _His eyes..._

The man's eyes were a startling, practically inhuman, blue.

Ethan just nodded his head slowly, staring at the man's eyes. Then he stood and leaned down to help the man up. "I, uh, you can come to my place to clean up. Don't worry, no one'll ask questions about it," he said at the man's confused glance.

He shifted the guy, once they were both standing so that Mister Bloody could lean on him as Ethan led the way. They stumbled towards Ethan's apartment, the little run-down building that was on the corner.

They entered with no problem, no one being down by the doors to question why Ethan was coming home with some bloody guy hanging off his arm. The elevator up was fine too, though Ethan did wince a little as the guy's hand tightened on his arm painfully when they started moving up.

"You sure you're alright?" Ethan asked as they stepped out of the elevator and slowly made their way down the hall to his apartment. Ethan let the blue eyes stranger lean against the wall as he unlocked the door, glancing at him occasionally as he fumbled with his keys and half frozen fingers.

"Yeh, jus' need to clean up..." the guy trailed off a moment before opening his mouth like he was going to say more, then he snapped it shut. Ethan shrugged to himself about it and finally got his door open.

"Yeah, you said that. Come on in, you can use the bathroom too, uh, clean up?" he said, letting the guy rest on him again as he led him towards his bathroom. He noticed the guy had a very prominent limp on his right side as he watched blue eyes push himself off Ethan and hobble towards the bathroom door.

Ethan was about to ask if he wanted anything else when the door was slammed shut in his face. He instantly heard mumbling's and muffled curse words leave from the other side of the door. Deciding not to be rude he turned away and headed to his room. He left the door open so he could hear if the guy needed help or came out, whichever came first.

...

Anti panted as he teleported himself to a random point somewhere on the opposite side of the globe of where he'd been. He winced as he stumbled back into a wall, his leg practically screaming in pain and his arm was burning.

"Fockin' Astaroth and- and th'at focking Dark bastard t'at fockin' leaves at trouble and focking fock!" he mumbled to himself, taking a quick look at his surroundings. He seemed to have landed in a decent spot. The sky was dark, the roads were empty, he was at the entrance of an alley...

He grimaced when he turned his focus from his surroundings to his injuries. He carefully slid down the wall, favoring his injured leg. He wouldn't be able to walk for the next few hours, at least not on his own, without help.

He whimpered quietly when a sharp pain went through his chest and arm. He could feel his head starting to get heavy and his body started to thrum with pain as the adrenaline began to wear off. He leaned his head back against the wall behind him and silently groaned in pain.

He started feeling light-headed, probably blood loss.  _Why on earth did I do that again? Oh yeah. Dark bet lunch that something good would come out of that. And I told him no good would come of it, teasing of course._

He chuckled dryly to himself but stopped when he heard footsteps approaching from down the alley. He stayed silent, not wanting to be found. But just in case he pulled up a 'mirage' of sorts. It turned his features more... human. His eyes one color, his teeth straight, skin more colorful and less dead looking.

He froze when a human stepped out from the alley, blue hair soaked and clinging to their head.  _How far from home did I get?_ He wondered, a slight fear rising in his chest. Sure at night, in the dark, when he had a weapon and a partner humans were fine. But in broad daylight when the humans were at their 'strongest'?

No way was he dealing with one. He closed his eyes and hoped he wasn't seen or heard. And then, the dreadful, horrifying realization came. He had to cough. Badly.

He tried to swallow it down, but it didn't work very well. He opened his mouth to breath and try to quell it and let loose a very wet and painful string of coughs. His whole body hurt afterward. But he didn't take notice of it as all of a sudden green-hazel eyes were on his.

"U-uh, oh gosh, s-sir? ...Oh gosh, that... you l-look real bad. Should I- should I call the hospital?"

"No!" he said, looking up with eyes as wide as he could get them, then he swallowed and repeated himself, calmer, "No, I... I just need to get cleaned up. Don't need the hospital,"

"...I, uh, you can come to my place to clean up. Don't worry, no one'll ask questions about it," He looked up, confused. Was he willingly inviting him into his home? After acting so strange already, and looking like shit?

He didn't deny the offer though. For some reason, he felt he could.  _Maybe I can have some fun with this one..?_ he wondered as he leaned heavily on the other. He wasn't sure if it was because his legs actually needed the support or if it was something else that kept him glued to the human's side.

When they arrived at a small building, furnished, though a little smelly, he blinked. The human lived here? It wasn't as... flamboyant as he'd been told human buildings were inside. But it wasn't the abandoned barn he slept in either.

He froze a little when they arrived at a small box with sliding doors. He swallowed nervously as they entered it. He watched as the human pressed some buttons on the wall and clutched his arm when the box they were in lurched.

He refused to show any other signs of weakness though.

"You sure you're alright?" the guy said as they exited the box, now in a completely different place. It looked similar though, same wall color and floor. But the walls were covered in doors. Lined up like cells down a long hallway.

Anti was suddenly leaned up against a door, and he watched the human fumble with a set of keys, sticking one in the door. He gulped a little. Had he made a mistake, trusting a human?

"Yeh, jus' need to clean up..." he said quietly as the door opened.

"Yeah, you said that. Come on in, you can use the bathroom too, uh, clean up?" the blue-eyed human said, leading the way into the room, but still managing to somehow support Anti through the door.

He was led through the small, yet fairly nicely furnished, house-room-place to a bathroom, where he was then left alone. He limped himself further into the room before stopping and listening. He could hear a pair of retreating footsteps and he let out a breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding.

He turned himself to the mirror and smiled, the image fading away. He hated mirages, either on himself or something else. They hurt to keep up for long, and being injured wasn't helping at all. He sighed as his shoulders relaxed and looked down at the sink.

He carefully turned it on and watched in fascination as  _clear, clean water_ came pouring out. He stood there staring for a few moments. It was clear, translucent. It wasn't muddy or clouded or full of nasty things...

He soon found his hands in it, cupping it and bringing it to his mouth. It tasted almost sweet to his parched mouth. He let out a little moan as he drank the small bit he captured in his hands. It was refreshing compared to the shit he was forced to drink at home.

And it was right there.  _Wait until Dark here's about this... he'd never believe it!_  He chuckled to himself and took another cupped mouthful of water.  _It doesn't seem to run out... I should be able to use it to clean up. But first..._

Anti turned himself around slowly and inspected the room. The mirror opened up like a cupboard and was filled with bottles of white... tiny things. He closed the mirror and looked at the white... giant bowl next to the toilet. There was a shower head above it, so he figured it was some fancy shower thing.

Then he got curious and reached over to turn the shower on. The water where he, Dark and a couple others lived was nasty. It was always a little brown, and nearly always had some sort of bugs in it. If they weren't the way they were they all would have died from it, in his opinion.

He smiled wide when the water coming from the shower was as clear as the water in the sink. He froze when he heard a knock on the door.

"Hey, you alright in there? I heard something in here?" He sighed, his shoulders relaxing. He'd almost forgotten about the blue haired kid who'd brought him here and, presumably, owned the place. He went to the door and opened it a crack, after double checking his mirage had come back up.

"'M fine, kid... hey, can I use the shower?" he asked as an afterthought. His eyes widened a little though. He hadn't planned on asking, it wasn't the way he did things. Why on earth would he ask this human? It wasn't like the guy was intimidating or something.

He watched as blue hair just shrugged and nodded before turning away back down the hall. He couldn't help but continue watching cautiously as the kid made his way to a door at the end of the hall and stepped through. He quickly closed the door to the room he was in when blue haired turned towards him at the last moment.

He sighed and rubbed a hand down his face. He winced as he trailed over his cheek.  _Must've broken the jaw, 'else it wouldn't hurt that much still._  He thought before he started to undress. He grimaced when he saw the state of his stomach. Hidden before by his jacket, the damage done could definitely be seen now.

His stomach was practically gaping. He swore he could see ribs in there too. He decided not to focus too much on it though, knowing he would heal. Though that one might leave a nasty scar in its place. Oh well, more battle wounds.

He sighed as he climbed into the shower after setting it up. He jumped a little at how  _warm_ it was though, before sighing delightedly and relaxing right into it as his body stitched itself back together.

He closed his eyes as the water washed away the layers of blood and grime from his body. It felt... good. To actually get clean, fully clean. Not just half-assed in crummy water. He looked around him after a few moments, looking for soap. He scrubbed himself as clean as he could.

Afterward, climbing out of the shower, he felt more than refreshed. He grabbed a towel and dried himself quickly. Wrapping the towel around his waist he sighed and ran his hands through his hair. His eyes trailed down to his stomach again, and he grimaced. Again.

It looked better, now more of a large slash across his midsection than a giant extra mouth attached to his stomach. But it still worried him that it hadn't fully healed yet...  _At least it's not bleeding anymore..._

He rolled his eyes at his actions and grabbed his clothes, changing back into them. He frowned as he realized how itchy and dirty they were.  _Maybe I can get this guy to do the laundry before I kill him._ He thought with a small frown.

Then he checked himself over in the mirror, scowling as he pulled his human guise back up. Then, he turned to the door and pulled it open. Stepping into the hallway, he slowly moved down the hall to the room the blue haired guy had ducked into.

He swallowed, suddenly nervous. He nearly slapped himself. He never got like this! Why did  _one_ human who helped him make him get like this! One human! ...then again... the guy did  _help_. He let out a frustrated breath and opened the door quietly.

Then he leaned on the wall and watched the guy sitting on his computer. He went unnoticed for a while before smirking and clearing his throat.

"I'm done."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated! Please lemme know what you think!! :D


	3. Hello Stranger

"I'm done."

Ethan's head shot up, startled, and he spun around in his chair. He went to stand, but his spinning chair was still, well, spinning, and caught his side. He wobbled and had to take a few strangely placed steps to keep his balance as he held his arms out. When he was done wobbling, he stood up straight with a blush and awkward smile.

"U-uh... hi-" he cut himself off and started. The guy was clean now, free of blood and dirt. And damn, he looked good. He was well built, lean but toned. His hair was fluffy and green and his eyes were a startling blue. He shook his head a little and felt his face heat up enough that he felt like he was on fire. "U-uh..."

"Hi," the guy said, sounding awkward but confident. A strange mix, but Ethan couldn't help but let a small smile flit across his lips. He moved closer to the guy, so they weren't separated by an entire bedroom, and held his hand out.

"I, uh...wait. Weren't you, like, severely bleeding and bruised and shit?" he questioned, coming closer to look at the pretty guy. First, he grabbed his arms, looking them both over in suspicion. He was sure the man had had a long slice down his arm...

Then he lifted both his gaze and his hands to the guys face. He gripped his chin lightly, fingers brushing over stubble as he moved from side to side. He raised his hands to the other guys blue eyes and brushed his fingers over his eyelids, as to check for bruising or coverup.

After finding nothing he stepped back and crossed his arms with a sigh. He gave a wary glance at the stranger he'd invited into his home. "You're not some weird dude that gets horny off pain right? Or some serial killer or murderer using the guise of some wounded dude to find your victims?" he asked, keeping his voice surprisingly strong.

The guy blinked and shook his head with a chuckle. "Oh, no, no, no. I'm not t'hat... I've just. Hah. You wouldn't believe me if I told yeh," he said with another shake of his head. Ethan couldn't help but blink at him though.

"You're Scottish?" he asked with a surprised voice. He frowned a little when the guy's facial expression seemed to shift to one of surprise, and not the good kind, and a bit of anger.

"Scottish?! I'm fockin' Irish, not Scottish!" Green hair snapped and Ethan couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"Well sorry, Mister Irishman. All the accents sound the same to me," he said with another roll of his eyes and a cheeky smile. The Irishman's face quickly relaxed into an almost annoyed, but also fond, smile.

"I'll let ya off t'his time. But next time, it's a battle ta the death!" he said, loudly and teasingly. Ethan playfully scowled back and they stared each other in the eye for a good thirty seconds. That is before they both started to laugh at their antics.

Ethan then slid himself between green hair and the door, moving out into the hallway. He headed towards the kitchen, wanting to get a glass of water or something else to satisfy his dry throat.

He could hear the other guy following him, feel his crystal gaze on his back. But he didn't acknowledge it, instead, he entered the kitchen and opened the cup cupboard, reaching for a glass.

"Want anything?" he asked, shooting a small glance to the man now standing in his kitchen doorway, looking nervous. He smiled softly and turned to the sink, filling his own cup with water. Then he leaned against the counter with a raised brow.

"Well? You gonna answer or are you just going to stand there all day, Mister Irishman?" he asked with the slight tilt of his head. The guy shook his head as his eyes flitted around the room. It was as if he was looking for something, checking. His gaze would constantly jump back to Ethan though as if he was paranoid Ethan would jump him or something.

"You going to stand in the doorway all day or are you going to come in?" he asked again with another tilt of his head. He watched the guy smile and cautiously walk in, step by step. Soon he was next to Ethan, eyeing the kitchen knives with a strange look.

Ethan stepped between the Irishman and the knives, subtly, and smiled a little, again looking the man up and down for any signs of makeup. He could find none. He took a sip of his water and looked back up at the guys face.

"...how long were you out there? Why didn't you just go home?"

The guys seemed to freeze up at the question. His feet shifted slightly like he didn't want to admit something. Like he was nervous about the reaction it would get. Ethan gave him a soft smile in hopes it would get the other to relax.

"I don't have a home 'round here ta go ta. I dunno how long I was out t'here..." was the mumbled response he got after a while. Ethan's eyes widened a little as he turned to look the guy head on.

"Wh-what?" he croaked.  _This beautiful man doesn't have a home? I'm guessing the 'round here' part means he left his home in Ireland for something he didn't get here. Or maybe he was kicked out? Maybe I'm over thinking things... perhaps he just meant he doesn't have a home this side of town?_

"What do you mean you don't have a home around here?" he asked, eyes wide as his mind filled with thoughts of this man.

"I mean just t'hat. No home. Not in this city, not on this continent. No-" the guy cut himself off and looked down. Ethan was sure he was going to say something else, but he didn't want to push it. He had only met the guy an hour or so before.

Even if it  _did_  feel like he'd somehow known him for longer.

Ethan's thoughts were cut off by a loud rumbling, and he blushed a little. He couldn't help but clutch at his rumbling stomach in embarrassment. He sent a light glare over to the Irishman as said man started chuckling at him, his blue eyes flashing in amusement.

"Sh-shut up! I'm hungry is all..." he blushed darkly as he made his way over to the fridge, turning his back on his guest, "You want anything to eat?"

...

Anti didn't know why he let the guy's soft hands run across his arms and face, checking for wounds. Or why he played around with him, teasing like he would with Dark and the others... He didn't know why he didn't feel actual anger when the guy thought he was Scottish, unlike every other person on the planet who would dare say Scottish over Irish.

He didn't know why his stomach seemed to rebel against him every time blue hair looked at him, or why he couldn't help but smile when the other did. But he wanted to figure it out... and make it stop.

He heard a fairly loud grumbling in the room, coming from blue hairs stomach. He tried to stifle his laughter, but the small giggles were barely contained. And by blue hairs reaction, they were quite obvious.

He quickly contained himself as his eyes strayed to the knives on the counter, again.  _They'd be so useful..._  he shook his head a little as blue hair turned away, from both him and the knives, and towards the... big white block thing.

He felt himself gravitate towards the knives. He could kill him now, use his apartment... perhaps killing him would stop his reactions to the other male? Maybe it was a spell? He wouldn't be surprised... it's not like he hadn't been bewitched before. Though, this didn't  _feel_  like a traditional spell...

He wasn't sure if he was pulled from his thoughts or sucked deeper as his fingers wrapped around the handle of one of the blades. He was about to pull it out, to turn around and attack, to kill. But he stopped. The butterflies in his stomach grew in intensity as if they had multiplied.

His face felt tingly, as if the soft hands were back on his face, gentle and kind. His heart seemed to speed up and his hands began to sweat. He swallowed thickly as his hand slipped off the handle and he stepped back. His hands came up to his head and he tried to steady his breathing.

It had only been a few seconds. It must've been, for blue hair was still bent over, head in the opening of the giant block. He swallowed again and his eyes trailed over what he could see. His mouth went dry and his heart started beating faster again. He looked away, quickly, and cleared his throat.

"U-uhm... could I have that glass of water?" he asked. Blue hairs head came up quickly, body turning as if he was about to turn toward him. Instead, he hit his head on a shelf in the white block. Blues hands came up to the back of his head and Anti rushed forward, hands out.

An overwhelming fear for this man, even though he knew nothing could be very wrong. A bump at most. He just... his heart was screaming at him,  _make sure he's alright_. So his hands were soon on his back, pulling him gently away and lifting him. His hands were running through the  _soft_  blue hair, checking for bumps.

He swallowed again, unaware of how big his eyes were, how panicked he looked. He only calmed when he heard soft laughter beneath him. He looked down, confused, to the big eyes looking up at him from his chest.

"What?" he asked, but he only received the shake of a head. Then Blue hair was pulling away, and his arms felt empty. His fingers were twitching, wanting to run through the blue hair once more. He smiled awkwardly, "Sorry..." he mumbled.

"It's alright, just wasn't expecting that is all," blue hair responded before turning towards the kitchen sink and filling another glass with water, "So, do you uh- do you work?" he asked as he turned and handed Anti a glass. He couldn't help but marvel at the  _clear, clean water_. He even lifted the glass to the light so he could look through it, and it worked! Though the image on the other side was fairly warped.

He pulled it down at the chuckles on the other side of the room with a blush. He quickly drank the glass and set it down on the counter, "S-sorry," he said with a slight stutter, "I'm, uh, not used to clear water, heh,"

He flinched a little as blue hairs eyes widened, but froze completely when small arms were wrapped around his waist, head nuzzled into his chest, "I'm sorry," could be heard, muffled as it was, from his chest.

He shook his head, before remembering he couldn't be seen from his chest, and he sighed a little, "'What are yeh doin'?"

"I'm hugging you."

"...why?"

"Cause you looked like you needed one."

"And how did you come up with that theory?"

"Because you were standing there all cute and wide-eyed and innocent."

"...I what?"

Blue hairs face pulled back and he looked up with wide eyes. Both their faces were red, blue hairs from saying it and Anti's for being called cute.

"S-sorry, heh... I m-meant, uh..."

"You really think I'm cute?" Anti cut off his trailed off 'try to fix it' sentence with a soft voice. He knew the guy was really only calling his image 'cute', but it was close to his actual appearance... and a tingly warmth crawled through his abdomen as he thought about it. It wasn't bad though, it was... comforting, pleasant. Strange too, but not bad.

Blue hairs head nodded slowly, face as red as a firetruck, and he tried to pull away slowly. Anti blushed harder as well and he averted his gaze a bit. But as he did so, his arms, which had wrapped around blue hairs middle at some point, tightened and kept him from moving away.

"...I'm Ethan," blue hair said suddenly, breaking the silence that had consumed them. Anti's eyes trailed over to his face, surprised.  _Why is he telling me his name?_ , "Uh, sorry. I just... realized we hadn't introduced ourselves yet. A-and since I was thinking about inviting you to stay here till you could find a place of your own-"

"You want me to stay?!" Anti's eyes were wide as he looked down at the shorter man. He knew he needed to get going, that he did, in fact, have a home. And that Dark and the others would be expecting him back sooner or later...  _then again... they wouldn't be overly worried if I didn't show up for a few days..._

"U-uh, well... yes? I mean, only if you want to, of course! I wouldn't force you to! B-but, well... you don't have a home, and I would enjoy the company. S-so it's a win-win... right?" 'Ethan' swallowed nervously and Anti nodded his head. It made sense...

He smiled and brought Ethan closer, hugging him in thanks. Then he pulled away and smiled wider.

"Why don't we get something to eat?" he asked, "I mean, your box looked pretty empty..." Ethan smiled at him as well. Anti found he enjoyed that smile, it was as bright as the sun, and it filled him with those strange happy butterflies.

"Yeah, just let me grab my keys and jacket and we'll head out," blue hair said with a nod. Then he disappeared from the room, only to return moments later with his jacket, dangling a set of keys off his finger, "Ready to go?"

Anti nodded his head and the two left the apartment. As they were walking, Anti couldn't help but look around. They'd been through here maybe an hour before, hour and a half at most, but at that point, he was very out of it. So now he was putting it all to memory, so he could find his way back alone if the need arose.

As they walked through an alley, Ethan had called it a shortcut, blue hair paused and looked at him with a confused smile.

"Hey, I told you my name. But I don't think you told me yours. And I don't just wanna be calling you 'green hair' and 'blue eyes' for the rest of our lives," Anti froze, not only because Ethan had said  _the rest of OUR LIVES_ , but for the fact that he asked for a name.

Anti's name was... well it wasn't normal. His birth 'name', 5E4N, left a sour taste in his mouth. He hadn't used that name since he was five, and he never wished to have it used again. Ever. And what he went by now, 'Anti'... it wasn't a very human sounding name.

He swallowed and shook his head, subtly clenching his fingers in a panic as he tried to come up with a name.  _Think Anti, think!_  Then he took a slow deep breath and smiled as he turned to face Ethan a little more. His voice was steady as he spoke.

"I'm Jack."


	4. Doggo at the Mall

The two had spent the rest of the day together. Ethan loved it, being able to spend time with another person, not over the internet. He really enjoyed showing the Irishman around town too, his reactions to many things were... well, it was as if he'd never seen something like it before.

And coffee, Jack couldn't seem to get enough of it. And Ethan was happy to provide as much as he could with his limited amount of money. He couldn't help but chuckle as he watched Jack's eyes go wide over a little plush dog he found at the mall. 

"You want it?" he asked, smiling lightly. Jack's eyes traveled up to his face. His face was filled with confusion. Ethan pointed to the dog, lifting it into his hands and holding it out to Jack, "You want the dog? We can get it if you'd like."

"Oh, no, I couldn't do that! You've already bought me enough already!" Ethan chuckled, still holding out the dog to the other man.

"Come on, it's not any more expensive than you're coffee."

"Bu-but, I really don't need the dog. It's not needed, so it's not worth buying," Jack's voice sounded more like he was repeating something than actually stating his thoughts. Ethan just shook his head and kept the dog in his hands.

"Let's go pay, then. We've got everything we need from this place anyways," he said, very purposefully  _not_  putting the dog back. Jack obviously liked it. And it also seemed the guy hadn't gotten much of what he wanted, or liked, during his lifetime.

"Aren't you going to put the dog back?"

"Nope."

...

Anti was taken by the small dog toy immediately. It was small and soft, and very cute. But he knew he couldn't have it, so he stared at it for a few moments, imagining what it would be like to have the pleasure of being able to get whatever one wanted.

And then Ethan was talking to him, asking him if he wanted the dog. And  _of course_  he did, but he wouldn't. Ethan had already bought him  _two_  of those coffee things. He wasn't risking asking for a third thing.

"Come on,  it's not any more expensive than you're coffee."

"Bu-but, I really don't need the dog. It's not needed, so it's not worth buying," Anti repeated what he'd been told by Dark for as long as he could remember.  _Get the necessities. We don't get what we want, it's not worth it. It'll be too much, and we'll end up getting less of what we need._

"Let's go pay, then. We've got everything we need from this place anyways," blue hair said, tucking the dog into a space in the cart that held food and drink. Anti blinked a few times, before opening his mouth in confusion.

"Aren't you going to put the dog back?"

"Nope," Anti frowned and trailed Ethan like a confused puppy.

"But it's money..." he trailed off, hoping Ethan would come to his senses. He knew Ethan didn't have much money to be spending. He should be focused on buying the needs for himself, not the little things Jack wanted.

"I know, but it's literally a buck fifty. It's not much since it's only the one. Besides, you want it, right? So, I'm being nice and giving you something you want." Ethan said as they made their way to the cash register. The cashier looked at them strangely, especially since Anti kept complaining about Ethan  _really not needing to buy the dog. It's just a toy, he doesn't need it. It's okay, he can leave it._ And Ethan was just shaking his head fondly!

When Ethan had paid for everything, including the dog, he turned to him with a smile. He had the dog held in his hand, now outstretched to Anti.

"Go on, it's yours now," he said, his voice sweet. And not the silky sweet that Dark tended to use on his various victims, nor the overly sweet voice liars use when they try to make something sound better than it is. No, this was kind, honest.

It made him blush as he reached for the dog and shakily brought it closer to himself. He smiled a little,  _no one's ever done something like that for me..._

"You two are a cute couple," the cashier said with a smile. Anti's head tilted in confusion at the final word, and he noticed from the corner of his eye that Ethan was blushing hard.

"Oh, no, no. We're not- we aren't- no. He's just a friend- I" Anti decided to cut off Ethan's blubbering. _A couple is when to people do out together, right? Well, we're two people, and we're out together... Why is he saying no?_

"Why are you saying no?" Anti said suddenly, blushing as he did so because he hadn't meant to say it out loud. Yet, anyways, "We're going out together, aren't we?" he tilted his head a little as Ethan's head shook a bit.

"Oh, Jack... you have so much to learn, you little potato," Ethan said, laughing awkwardly afterward. Then, Ethan flashed a small smile to the cashier, grabbed Anti's hand, and pulled him from the store.

"Why did you say we weren't together? We are, aren't we?"

"Jack, by saying we were a cute couple, the cashier thought we were together, together." Anti's face remained blank. He was confused, weren't they together? They'd been in there together, walking around together, "They thought we were a couple. Like, dating."

Anti's eyes widened, he knew that word and knew it was definitely  _not_  what he was doing with Ethan. Maybe he did want- no, he didn't need to. That would just cause unnecessary complications. He barely knew the man. He was going to kill him! ... _Probably... Maybe..._

"O-oh," he said, blushing. He saw Ethan nod his head, a blush lighting up his face too.  _It's kinda cute- NO. No more distractions! You're going to stay and toy with this guy a few extra days, kill him, and go back to the house._

He subtly nodded to himself at his plan. He could do that. He just... had to keep himself from getting attached. Just because he's the first being to treat him the way he was treating him... it didn't mean he could get attached.

He smiled a little to himself, though, noticing Ethan was still holding his hand. He didn't mention it though, and instead, he gave it a small squeeze before he saw something glittering in a store window and pulled Ethan behind him.

In his mini-rush to get to the store window, he missed the other guy walking towards them. Or, he did, until said guy ended up ramming into his side, hard. Anti was knocked to the ground, Ethan toppling on top of him. 

The stranger looked at the pair, disgusted, noting their entwined hands.

"Faggots," he said, with a roll of his eyes before walking off. Ethan rolled his eyes in response, flipping the bird towards the guy. Anti tried to get up but ended up gritting his teeth and flopping back down. In all the excitement, he'd forgotten about his side area.

"Ghaaahhhh, fock..." he mumbled, slipping his hand under his shirt. The hole that'd been there earlier had closed up majorly, but he could still slip his fingers into it. When he pulled his hand away, his fingers were covered in blood. He was pretty sure the guy's elbow had pierced the area, so to speak.

"Oh holy mother of shit," Anti looked up, wiping his hand on the inside of his shirt so it wouldn't be seen. Ethan's face was pale, and his hands were immediately on his side, "Did he stab you or something?! Jeezums, you've got a hole in your side!"

"...Yeah, no. He didn't stab me, he just irritated the wound is all. Must've bumped it with his shoulder or something," he said, giving Ethan a look that said he was fine. Though he didn't remove the others hands.

"So you're telling me you've had a hole in your side this entire time?! How could you not tell me? How are you not screaming in pain? Cause lemme tell ya, if that was me, I would not be moving, my gods," Ethan spoke fast, his eyes widening a little. Anti figured this was his way of calming down a little, though he didn't understand what he was freaking out about. It was just a little hole...

"Yes... sure, that's what I'm telling you. It's better now though, it was much bigger when we were at ho- at your place," he said monotonously. He cursed himself for almost calling it 'home'. It wasn't home, it could never be home, because he didn't, and would never, have a home. It wasn't supposed to be a part of his life, and it never would be.

"WHAT?!"

...

Jack was pouting and crossing his arms on the couch. Ethan couldn't help but find it adorable as he walked in with some gauze and medicine. He had some liquid disinfectant stuff for the wound too.

"Okay, now you're going to sit still while I patch this up. And don't give me that 'I can heal quickly, it'll be fine by morning' bullshit. Even if I did believe you, which, quite frankly, I don't, I still wouldn't let you even think about going to bed with an open wound."

He could practically  _feel_ Jack rolling his eyes at him. He didn't care, and instead, he handed the puppy toy to him, before taking the cap off the disinfectant, "This might hurt a little," he explained.

He then began to pour the medicine across the wound, which was a small hole in Jack's side that was about the size of a quarter. He couldn't help but wonder how, or where, Jack got it.

"I was in a fight, the guy was powerful. What'd you expect?" Ethan blinked up at Jack.

"How did you-"

"You looked curious, and you were staring at it."

".....oh." Ethan blushed lightly, before focusing back on his task of fixing the other male pouting like a child on his couch. He shook his head and continued trying to clean the  _fucking hole in Jacks side, like holy fuck why is he not freaking out?!_

When he finished, Ethan pulled back with a sigh. He looked at his work and smiled proudly to himself.  _That looks pretty good! I think I did a good job at the bandages..._  He looked up at Jack's face still smiling. The green haired man was blushing lightly, staring at him with wide eyes.

"What?" he asked, confused by the look he was receiving.

"D-do you have any idea how close you were?!" Ethan chuckled, Jack's voice was coming out like a little squeak and it was adorable. He shook his head as Jack started moving his hands close together and moving them around where Ethan's head was all the while squeaking and making other confused yet cute noises.

"You're adorable."

"...w-what?"  _Shit. I said that out loud._

"U-uh, I mean-"

"You think I'm adorable?!" Jack's face was as red as a balloon, his voice was... confused, squeaky, and surprised. Ethan chuckled some more and nodded his head, he shifted closer to Jack and patted his floofy green hair.

"Yup. Adorable," Jack looked at him with wide eyes, but... it was almost as if his skin was... moving? All of a sudden Jack went really, really pale, "Are you alright-"

"I- I have to go to the bathroom," Jack's voice stuttered, and he practically launched himself from the couch to the bathroom door.

"Be careful! You could make your wound bigger!" Ethan called after Jack, staying at his spot on the couch. He didn't think much of it,  _It's probably just his wound bothering him a bit, or maybe he just REALLY has to go..._


	5. Pizza and Chats

Anti sighed as he closed the bathroom door behind him, letting his 'Jack' guise fall. There wasn't much of that to fall left though. He'd held it up for too long and trying to keep it stable as Ethan bandaged him and got  _really_  close to him, it was surprisingly more difficult than he'd thought.  _Dark was always better at this..._

He ran a hand through his hair and moved over to the mirror, examining himself. The hole in his side was bandaged, quite expertly. His fluffy, yet faded, green hair was pushed up and slightly sweaty. His eyes were a bright blue and an emerald green. His skin was pale and dead looking. The tips of his nails looked like red-brown as if blood was stuck beneath them.

He groaned as he felt something akin to disgust flare-up in his chest. He hated this, he'd always felt something bad for his actual appearance, though he hated using mirages to change it. Constantly, he would imagine what life would be like, what he would look like if he hadn't been in that stupid lab. If they hadn't torn him apart atom by atom, only to put him back together again.

But now... Now this Ethan guy was... it was as if he was intensifying each and every emotion. Which seemed to include the bad ones. Guilt especially. And disgust. He let out a frustrated noise and turned away from the mirror. He looked down, there was something in his pocket...

_The dog._

Anti smiled ruefully as he pulled it out of his pants pocket. Ethan had spent more than a whole dollar on this toy, and for him! He sat down heavily on the toilet seat, looking down at the small toy that fits perfectly in his hand.  _I don't deserve this... I don't deserve any of it! I-I'm a bad person- I'm not even a person! I-I'm someone's fucked up science experiment!_

He froze when he felt something drip onto his leg. He looked up first, thinking maybe there was a leak in the roof or something. Then, he looked around him, confused. Another drip, this time on his arm, the one right under his chin. He clutched the dog in one hand and shakily lifted the other to his face.

It was wet.

He made a choked sound and pulled his hand away quickly, looking down at it. It was covered in water... he scrambled up off his seat and to the mirror, looking into his own mismatched eyes. They were filled with water. He brought some of it from his fingers to his lips. It was salty.

He took in a shuddering breath, before collapsing as something inside him seemed to break. A rush of emotion came forth and more and more choked sounds began to emit from his mouth, echoing around the small bathroom. More wetness trailed down his cheeks, dripping into his lap.

"Jack? Are you alright in there?" He almost froze, lifting his head weakly to look at the door, "Jack? I'm coming in, okay?" and then the door handle was turning. He quickly pulled up his 'Jack' version, and for the first time, while wearing a mirage, he started to feel a little better, knowing he looked less monstrous. But there was still a waterfall coming from his eyes.

"Jack?! What's wrong? What happened? Are you okay?" he heard Ethan's voice, saw his blue hair and kind, worried eyes, before lowering his head again. His shoulders shook with the force of his choked noises. Soon enough, he could feels Ethan's arms around him, pulling him closer.

He just shook his head, unable to speak. Ethan was rocking him gently, rubbing circles on his back and shushing him. Telling him everything was okay.  _But it wasn't. It wasn't okay, because already he was getting attached and he didn't know how or why and everything was changing and he needed to get back to the house but he didn't really want to anymore!_

Once he'd calmed down, Ethan was still rocking him. He was practically laying on the other chest, sniffling. He was glad his guise stayed mostly up. All but his eyes, but he quickly changed that. He looked up at Ethan, blushing a little.

"U-uh, thank you..." he mumbled, shifting away from the other. He ran a hand through his hair, swallowing. Then, he wiped at his eyes. The water had stopped coming from his eyes now. But it was still all over his face. As well as some snot. It was disgusting, in his opinion. He grabbed some clean toilet paper and wiped his face clean.

"So, wanna tell me what you were crying about?" He shook his head.  _Crying, that's what it was called? I'll have to look it up later..._  he thought to himself, rubbing at his arms. A sudden chill had crawled up his spine.

"It's nothing, kid" he mumbled, standing up, "Come on, let's go get the couch set up for me, yeah?" he said quietly, pulling Ethan up and letting him leave the bathroom first. He was about to go too when he stopped and turned around. He grabbed the dog, which had somehow managed to stay on the toilet seat, and stuffed it into his pocket.

...

Ethan was worried about Jack. He'd acted like such a big wound was nothing. He'd bolted to the bathroom before bursting into tears over what he  _claimed_ was nothing, then went... almost emotionless. He really was worried. And that surprised him because he'd just met the guy earlier that day.

He sighed as he waited for the green haired man to come from the bathroom. It didn't take long, and soon they were silently, yet efficiently, turning the couch into a makeshift bed for the night. Or at least till they could get Jack an actual bed and clear the guest room.

During their making of the bed, Ethan called in some pizza. He was happy to know Jack liked pineapples and ham and laughed at the story of his friend, Mark, who refused to touch it. Once Jack started on his friends, it seemed as if he couldn't stop Ethan.

He described Mark as an 'average height, not short' but well-built male. He had dark hair and dark eyes, and Jack described him with a fond sort of smile. Mark was apparently a guy with a dark and dirty sense of humor, and Jack seemed to admire him.

Another friend of his, Felix, who was also 'average', yet taller than him. He had blonde hair, blue eyes, and had a Swedish accent. Jack said he had a crude sense of humor that tended to get him, and others, into trouble. Jack kept calling him the 'Swedish meatball'.

He also talked about Felix's 'girlfriend', Marzia. Says she was from Italy, and that Felix had left them for her. Though, they still managed to keep in touch. He didn't say much about her after that. He almost seemed jealous, but of what, Ethan didn't know.

His quietness was soon replaced though, as he animatedly started talking about some musical genius friend of his named Nate. And their 'strategizer', Matthew. Ethan wasn't sure  _why_  they needed a strategizer, but he found it cool all the same.

He also mentioned another guy. Said no one knew his name, but they all called him 'Cry'. Said he was the mysterious member, no one knew anything about him. Felix was the only one Cry seemed close too, and he was no longer there.

He seemed to truly admire and look up to these people.

But, his eyes almost told a different story altogether. As he talked about Nate and Matthew, his eyes were calm, but almost devoid of emotion, as if he didn't truly know them. Cry was similar, with confusion mixed in. Felix... When Jack mentioned Felix his eyes seemed to well up a bit, in pain and jealousy and confusion.

And Mark. His eyes at Mark's name, at the beginning, were filled with a kind of brotherly fondness. But, that quickly changed to a look of anger and pain. Ethan couldn't help but wonder why.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, and he stood with a smile, "Pizza's here!" he shouted loudly, rushing to the door. He quickly paid the delivery man and brought the pizza back to the couch. Jack's bed was finished by this point, and Jack himself had managed to curl up into the blankets while Ethan got the pizza.

Jack smiled up at him, and reached his hands out making little grabby motions and laughing. Ethan smiled and sat next to him opening the pizza box. He took out a piece before turning the box towards Jack, so he could take a slice.

They sat and quietly enjoyed their Hawaiian pizza.

...

The next morning, Ethan had nearly completely forgotten about Jack. So he was fairly surprised to wake up snuggled against another person. On his couch.

He may or may not have freaked out a bit.

Especially when said person started laughing. He recognized the laugh though and sat up with a pout.

"It's not funny, Jack! I nearly had a heart attack!"

"It's totally funny! You should have seen your face! It went all scrunched up in confusion for a second before your eyes widened and you went all red!"

"I- I- I did  _not_  go all red! I'm not red!"

"Yes, you are! You look like a blue-haired tomato!"

"No, I don't!"

"You do,  _and_  it's adorable-" Jack trailed off and swallowed, and now they were both blushing, and blushing  _hard_. "I- I-"

"I'm not adorable!"

Jack seemed to blush harder and he nodded, flinching back slightly. Ethan frowned, realizing he'd raised his voice. Had he scared the other man? Or is it just too early to be super loud around him? He smiled apologetically.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to startle you," he said sitting up. Jack shook his head, eyes still wide.

"No, no! You didn't startle me! I just- it's early..." Jack trailed off and Ethan rolled his eyes a bit before crawling from the couch. Once he was standing on the ground he placed his hands on his back and stretched, groaning. His back cracked a bit and he smiled, his hands dropping to his sides and his shoulders slouching as a dumb smile came to his face.

"That felt good..." he mumbled softly, before turning to look at Jack. The green haired man was staring at him in confusion, but he brushed it off, it's not like this guy wouldn't know what yawns were. Everyone had them... well, everyone but psychopaths and sociopaths. But that is only because they lack the basic sense of empathy, and the more you yawn, the more empathetic you are.

He decided to stop thinking about yawns and their random facts and shit and start on breakfast.

"Anything in particular you want?" he asked, turning to look at Jack. Jack blinked and crawled out of the couch-bed. His head tilted and his faded hair flopped over to the left. Ethan couldn't help but smile a bit as he watched.

"Want? For what?"

"Food, dummy. It's time for breakfast..." he trailed off and poked his head through the nearby doorway to check the clock in his kitchen, "Actually, it's more like lunch-time!" he said with a chuckle.  _Glad it's my day off today_... he thought to himself.

Jack's eyes widened in surprise and he nodded, saying "Whatever ya wanna make is okay."


	6. Thoughts. Desires. Self-Control?

Anti stayed with Ethan for a few days before he started getting restless. He'd enjoyed the calm atmosphere the blue-haired boy created in his small home, even the one day he wasn't home for a bit due to 'work'. He might even say he loved it, even though he didn't know how Ethan did it.

He spent most days doing... absolutely nothing. He would just comfortably sit, either alone or with Ethan, and they would talk or he would try to figure out this 'Tee-Vee' which held the magical... thing, called 'NetFlix'.

Right now he was curled up under the blankets in his couch-bed, his head somehow managed to get onto Ethan's shoulder, the aforementioned blue-haired man had taken to falling asleep on the couch with Anti, for what reason Anti was still unsure. He was fighting off sleep, a strange haze of _I need to do something_ keeping him from fully falling into the warm embrace of sleep. He shifted a bit and sat up with bleary eyes. Ethan was asleep now, his blue hair falling in his eyes and his breaths soft and slow...

He sighed and let his Jack mirage fade away, his green and blue eyes flickering to the kitchen doorway, then back to Ethan. He could be quiet enough to do this... He crawled out of the makeshift bed, his eyes constantly on Ethan to make sure he was still asleep. He slowly walked back towards the kitchen, praying his mind was right and he wasn't about to walk into the shelf.

He sighed in relief as he saw the kitchen doorway pass by him, and took one last look at Ethan before turning around. His body practically shook, his pale arms reaching forward, his hands and bloody nails reaching for the knives nearby. He managed to grab two, a small carving knife and a large butcher knife. His eyes flicked between them, twitching slightly.

It felt so good to have a knife in his hand again... he smiled, his lips stretching thin over his teeth as his eyes flickered to the doorway. He could just... get it over with. He could stop all these useless emotions for good, get rid of them and leave. He could get some sleep. All he had to do was... let his instincts take over, just like every other time.

It's all he had to do.

Just let them take over... then he could leave. He wouldn't be attached to anything, he could just go. He could get back home, get back to Dark and the others and rip Darks big head off for leaving him with Astaroth and forcing him to jump _here_ , forcing him to meet the blue-eyed beauty, forcing him to get attached! Though... if he ever admitted those last two he'd never live it down...

He let out a harsh sigh as he started to make his way back to the living room, the large knife in his hands. His eyes glinted as he got closer and closer, till he was hovering over the couch. He raised his knife over his head, preparing to bring it down, a sick smile on his face. But he paused, his eyes trailing over Ethan's face as the smaller boy shifted in his sleep. He swallowed, eyes closing as he tried again.

He couldn't will his hand to move when he heard a small noise from Ethan. His eyes opened again and he stared down at the blue-haired boy quietly, his hand, still squeezing the knife, lowering and falling to his side. He made a small frustrated noise and turned away, before turning back.

His chest rolled and screamed and hurt. He tried to will himself over to Ethan, to kill him. His mind flashed the picture of his finished creation, Ethan's body a bloody mangled mess on the couch. His stomach turned and he threw the knife in vain at the wall his mind chose to display the image upon. His body shook, his lungs tightening as he pushed himself against the far wall.

He couldn't do it.

He just couldn't do it.

He didn't know what was happening to him, he didn't understand. He gripped his head as he felt water coming from his eyes once more. He tried to calm his heartbeat and his breathing, only being successful after a long while. He sighed, tired from the effort, and curled up against the wall falling asleep quickly.

...

Ethan woke up alone, curled up on the couch, the space beside him empty. He blinked blearily, rubbing his eyes as he sat up with a small groan. The first thing he noticed was the evident lack of a warm body pressed against his own, a feeling he'd gladly gotten used to over the past week. He frowned and sat up, rubbing his bleary eyes.

He carefully scanned the room, for what he wasn't sure. There seemed to be a lingering air of danger, and yet he was also concerned for his green haired friend. it didn't help that he noticed a hole in his far wall that he's sure wasn't there before... _Or maybe it was..? I can't tell in this old_ _falling_ _apart place._ His shoulders relaxed when he heard a soft humming coming from the kitchen, and he lay down again.

That is, before he sat up in confusion and stared at the kitchen doorway. _What on earth is Jack doing in the kitchen? He's never_ _gone_ _anywhere bear the kitchen without me there, afraid of_ _overstepping_ _or something.._.

He slowly climbed from off the couch and made his way to the kitchen. He paused, peeking around the doorway, and smiled.

Jack was there, making something at the stove. He was humming an unfamiliar yet beautiful tune, and the morning light coming in from the window was framing him just so, bouncing off his green hair and highlighting it, making his blue eyes shimmer. Ethan swallowed and shook his head pulling away from the door way and clenching his eyes shut.

_Go away thoughts. He's_ _probably_ _straight anyway, and he's still a stranger in many_ _ways_ _too! You_ _met_ _him, like, a week ago!_

_...okay, just calm_ _down_ _. Take a deep breath_ _and_ _... ignore it? Yeah. Just ignore_ _it_ _._

With his mind made up, Ethan took another deep breath and went back to the kitchen. He couldn't help but stop in the doorway again, though this time he propped himself against the nearby counter and watched quietly as Jack cooked. It looked like basic eggs and bacon with some...

"Are those mashed potatoes?"

"Ack-! Wha- n-no- I mean- don't _do_ that!" Jack sputtered and turned away, Ethan assumed he was trying to hide a blush or something. The blue haired man chuckled and made his way closer, patting Jacks back. The green haired man made a small embarrassed noise as Ethan moved forward.

He took it upon himself to finish the breakfast that Jack had started. Luckily, the eggs were the last thing and were mostly finished. He cast a glance over everything and started dishing it out upon two plates.

Jack seemed to have calmed down, and now sat against the counter watching him curiously. When he was done, Ethan picked up the two plates filled with bacon, eggs, and not-mashed-potato. Sitting down at the couch, motioning Jack over with his head, he placed the plates on his coffee table and waited.

"Bon appetite," he said with a dramatic wave of his hand, before pulling his plate over and eating some bacon. He ate a bit more before moving on to the 'not-mashed-potato'. He swallowed.

"Those are definitely potatoes."


	7. Gone Away

Anti felt like shit.

He needed... _something_. He just didn't know what. He was antsy all the time, constantly pacing around or bouncing his legs. He still wasn't sure if Ethan found it annoying or endearing just yet, though he was sure to find out soon enough. _Probably the former_.

He sighed and ran a hand down his face, leaning his head back against the couch with a long, exasperated groan. He squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them again. _Would doing that enough bring Ethan back home so the blue haired boy could talk with me and distract me from this strange unsettling feelings crap?_ He shook his head. Ethan was the cause of this "strange unsettling feelings crap", why would he be a good distraction from it?

He shifted and flopped over to lay on the couch with another annoyed groan. He then sat up and his eyes shifted across the room. His mismatched eyes (being alone he gave his guise a rest and even though he was finding his natural appearance worse and worse to look at and stand without some sort of negative thoughts it was much easier than holding up a guise all day) soon landed on a pile of mismatched junk papers that still needed to be moved to the recycling. Nearby said pile of papers was a cup full of pens and pencils.

He stood up and before he knew it Anti was in front of the pens and pencils, holding a sheet of paper, which was completely blank on one side, in his hands. He sighed and stared down at them. _Could I really just leave like that?_  He thought, eyes shifting between the paper, the pens, and finally the door before repeating. He made a small frustrated noise and decided that yes, he was going to leave. He was going to write a note and then leave.

Though... he wasn't sure why he felt he needed to write a note to justify his departure...

Anti shrugged and grabbed a black pen before going back toward the couch and coffee table. He smiled and sat, placing the page on his knee and beginning to write, frowning when he realized he was very rusty. He couldn't remember how to spell some words, and his letters seemed to look wrong... He made sure to say the words aloud as he wrote them, just in case.

"Dear Ethan... no, uh... just Ethan. Ethan, I regret... regret..? I don't know how to spell that... I am sad to say... I have to leave. I don't know if I'll ever come back... hm... Thank you? Yeah, thank you for helping me and... housing? And housing me and dealing with me... uh... This is my goodbye..."

He paused before signing, wondering if he should add what he wished to add. He frowned in agitation. Why was writing a simple note so hard? He made a small sound in the back of his throat, almost a growl, before writing it down. He knew he'd end up returning and regretting if he didn't.

"I'm sorry... Jack"

Anti smiled as he wrote out the name he'd made up for Ethan. He'd grown to enjoy hearing that name- _his name_ \- fall from the blue boys lips. He frowned when he thought of Darks reaction to such a... such a human name. They weren't human, _h_ e wasn't human. Anti frowned and ripped up the note, before tossing the ripped pieces in the trash. He growled and stalked to the door.

He held himself back from looking at the room. He knew if he did he wouldn't leave. And he needed to leave. He _had t_ o. He looked down at himself and nearly face-palmed. He was wearing Ethan's clothes, the clothes the other male had found him in being dirty and in need of a wash. He clenched his eyes shut and marched to the room where he knew his clothes awaited.

He grabbed them and slipped them on as fast as he could, already feeling the need to stay. A strange feeling centering itself in his chest making him want to cry and stay and leave and beg all at the same time. He hated it.

Anti passed through the kitchen on his way out, his eyes lingering on the knives. He could take one with him, relieve some stress on his way back home... He grabbed the largest one and hoped Ethan wouldn't mind. Anti then proceeded to leave, and he didn't once look back. Or at least... not until he was out of the building, free of Ethan's home, his old hallway, free of the shaky small compartment that had to be magical in some way because it changed locations based on a button. He was out.

And the feeling on his chest was gnawing at him.

He palmed at his chest, kneading it softly. A frown settled in his face as he fingers the hilt if the knife in his sweater pocket. Anti made sure to be watching everyone around him, hood pulled up so no one could see his face, his _hideou_ s, inhuman face. A soft growl rumbled inside his throat as his eyes landed on someone. A weakling, walking with a limp. They were dressed poorly, clothes in a similar state to his own, torn apart and worn out, but much dirtier.

A smile stretched across his lips as he followed the man. He slipped into an alley behind him, and watched as the other leaned against the wall as stared at him. This was going to make him feel better. This was something he knew how to do.

"I don't got no moneys, man," the man said, hunds motioning across his dirty form, "I ain't got nothin'," he said with a slight waver to his voice as Anti continued to watch him from behind his hood. He smiled as the guy rolled his eyes and turned his head. Anti took a step forward, his eyes letting off a soft yet menacing green glow. The man didn't appear to see it. He giggled, his voice changing pitches as he got even closer.

The man finally took notice, eyes going wide in fear. A surge of power swept through the inhuman monster. His face nearly split in two as he stepped into the man's space, trapping him against the wall.

"You do have... something," Anti breathed out, his form glitching slightly as his eyes glowed. The man shuddered and pressed himself appears close to the wall as he dared. Anti's smile grew.

"Wh-what do I have, man?" the man's voice came out shaky and fearful, "Look man this isn't cool..."

"You have life," Anti said softly, a giggle leaving his lips. He pushed his hood back so the man would see his face, and his smile stretched across his face too far, too wide. The strangers eyes widened in feat and Anti laughed as he held up his knife, his glow glinting off it in a crude light. He brought the knife close to the man's face.

"And I plan on taking it," he said, his mouth next to the man's ear as he slowly slid his knife across the man's throat, pushing it deeper the farther he went. A sick smile spread across his lips as he watched the blood run down the man's already soiled outfit. He stepped back to watch once his knife was through, his smile fading as the image before him flickered.

Instead of the stranger he had cornered in the alley, he saw Ethan. Instead of large dirty hands clawing at his throat, he saw smaller, cleaner, bloody hands. Instead of dark curly hair, he saw blue hair, matted to his forhead.

Instead of fear in the man's dark brown eyes, he saw betrayal and hatred in a set of ever changing green-hazel eyes.

He stepped back in shock, the knife clattering to the ground as his mouth opened in shock. His stomach twisted and and his heart shook. It was impossible, he couldn't have killed Ethan... he couldn't have.

"Ethan?" he managed to choke out, his voice small and strained. Those green-hazel eyes stared at him, bored into his soul. And then they were gone, replaced by dead brown eyes. The proper image faded back in, but Anti found no satisfaction staring at the now corpse. He was shaking, staring. Relief filled him that it wasn't Ethan, but it did nothing to stop the feelings, the strange _emotions_ bubbling up inside him.

He slowly backed away, picking the knife up from where it fell, before running down the alley and opening a portal. He jumped through and hoped this would be enough to make everything stop and go back to how it was.

He arrived to the place he'd called him for many a year. It was quiet, as to be expected when one thought of the time, most of his 'friends' most likely asleep as they were more nocturnal. But it didn't feel like home anymore. Something in him yearned to go back to Ethan. To go back to the small home he'd been in for the past two, maybe three weeks. He almost did too, but a shocked, deep voice stopped him.

"Anti?"

* * *

 

Ethan walked into his apartment with a smile on his face. Today hadn't been the best day at work, but he knew he had someone to come home to. Even though that made it sound like they were in a relationship, which they weren't, Ethan still enjoyed the thought. He had a friend to come home to, someone who cared. His smile had only continued to grow the closer he'd gotten to his home, and yet as soon as he stepped foot into his humble abode something felt... off.

His smile slipped from his face when he didn't see Jack on the couch, nor could he hear him in the kitchen or bathroom. Ethan's frown grew when he got no reply when he called out. He shrugged his coat off and slipped off his shoes before making his way to the kitchen, just incase. Panic began to settle in when he noted one of his knives missing from the knife block. He swallowed and grabbed a pan as he walked through the rest of his small apartment.

When he got back to the small living room his arms fell to his sides, and the pan slipped from his fingers. A pen sat at the coffee table. His eyes caught a piece of white in his garbage can. There were large pieces of paper with a choppy writing scribbled across them.

 

> _Ethn,_  
>  _i am sad to say i hav to leve. i dont know if il evr com bak._  
>  _thnk you for helping me and hosing me and deling with me._  
>  _this is my godby._  
>  _im sory_  
>  _Jack_

He blinked as he tried to decipher the messy writing, many words misspelled, or at the very least missing a letter or two. Some letters were backwards. It looked like a young child had written it... though it also looked like it was a long thought out process, whoever wrote it wanting it to look as nice as it could. He stared at the words spread across four different pieces of paper before him.

When it finally clicked in his mind what was written out he sat down heavily on the couch, Jacks bed still set up, smile long gone. He swallowed around a thickness in his throat and felt tears pressing at his eyes as he stared at the note, vision getting steadily blurrier and blurrier.

_Jack was gone._

 


	8. Four Months and Counting

"Where the fuck have you been," Dark said sternly, hands folded behind his back and chest puffed out. Anti frowned and growled.

"I was busy, had to rest before I could get back home," the word home tasted false in his mouth and he scowled, "No thanks to you, Astaroth nearly killed me and I had to jump away."

"And you stayed away for  _days_?"

"Like I said, he nearly  _killed me,_ " Anti scoffed, "You would do well to remember that you  _left_ me to Astaroth. You should be grateful I returned to you as healthy and  _alive_  as I have."

Darks face fell to a neutral state at those words, and suddenly Anti seemed small and insignificant in the other beings presence. He swallowed as Dark leaned forward ever so slightly, feeling as if the other man was towering over him. A red smoke seemed to fill the room, surrounding Anti in a suffocating way.

" _You_  would do well to remember who is in charge here. I could destroy you as easily as a bug beneath my shoe and I would have no remorse. You are my pawn, and you will not talk back,  _boy_."

Anti cringed, hurt. He and Dark had been friends once. Had been close. Ethan's face flashed through his mind and he suddenly felt a boost of confidence.

"So I'm a pawn now? That's good to know,  _your majesty_ " he said sarcastically before turning around and marching away to where his bed should be. He promptly retired to hiding in his musty sleeping-bag grumpily.

...

Ethan sat on his couch for hours, confused and hurting. He knew he should have expected it. The man had been an injured stranger in his home, and though Ethan believed they had become friends they barely knew each other. And the man probably had a home, a family to return to...

He finally sat up and rubbed his stinging eyes. He knew he should pack up Jacks bed, but he couldn't bring himself to. He felt like he'd lost something very important when Jack left. Almost the same as when his girlfriend had left him a few years ago... he swallowed and shook his head.

He and Jack weren't in a relationship. They weren't lovers. They could barely be considered friends going on how long they'd known each other and how much he knew of Jack... He didn't even think Jack was gay, or at least bi. So... why did it hurt so much?

He left the room and went to his own bedroom. He wasn't hungry anymore, he just wanted to sleep. He curled up onto his bed, pulling the covers over his head, and falling into a restless sleep.

...

"You aren't a pawn," Dark's voice broke the awkward silence that had settled over the pair as they walked. Anti huffed. The two were out hunting, and Dark had insisted he come with Anti, and the glitch had no excuse to not let their leader join him.

"I was angry and concerned-"

"You have quite the way of showing it."

"-I was worried about you. I am trying to apologize for calling you something you are not," Dark's voice was slow and deliberate. Just from that, he could tell how hard Dark was trying. He let his shoulders fall a bit.

"I'm sorry I took so long. I just... hadn't been able to leave yet," it was technically not a lie. He hadn't been able to leave, Ethan's grip on him and his emotions were strong and he hadn't known how to overcome it. He still felt the pull to go and see the blue haired man, but he wasn't about to let that information slip.

"Don't do it again without contacting someone. We thought you were dead," Anti decided not to point out how Darks voice had cracked on the last word or how his colorful double aura had wavered strangely. Instead, he nodded his head in understanding and stayed silent.

...

**4** **Months Later**

...

Ethan was better. He had a system.

Get up. Don't think about Jack. Eat breakfast. Go to work. Avoid thinking about Jack. Go home. Don't think about Jack. Eat supper. Go to bed. Repeat.

It confused him why thinking about Jack still hurt so much. They knew each other for a few days. Just over a week. And yet his soul ached, his heart hurt, his eyes watered even if he hears his name. Which was a surprising amount, he hadn't realized how popular the name Jack was till he lost one... till he lost  _his_ Jack.

He frowned as he took a sip of his coffee. He had also taken to going down the alley he'd found Jack in as if just by walking down it he might find him again. Sometimes he thought about what might happen if he were to find Jack again, have their first meeting repeat itself like some strange groundhog day plot. He figured if it meant seeing Jack again he wouldn't mind.

He would then sit in his chair for hours upon end trying to figure out why he felt that way. Because, though he may be bi, he was never in a relationship with Jack. Nor had he even thought of having one until he left. And that would send him spiraling into worse and worse thoughts as he worked.

Thoughts like  _what if I'm not good enough_ and  _did he secretly hate me_ and  _did he only stay because he had nowhere else to go but he couldn't wait to leave?_ Sometimes he would proceed to burst into tears before falling asleep, which would confuse him, even more, when he woke up. So, he decided to just let it happen and not dwell on it. It's not like he could go to a therapist and tell them how he was hung up on a guy-  _who could be a criminal for all he knew_ \- who stayed at his home for a week because he was hurt but didn't want to go to a hospital. They would label him as crazy or lock him up for helping a criminal, he was sure of it. Even if he wasn't sure Jack was evil or something, he was just very beaten up, and refused to go to a hospital, and took one of his  _knives_  when he left.

Ethan sighed and rubbed his hands over his eyes.  _It's been four months. I need to stop thinking about him and get back to work. Why am I even thinking about all this shit anyway?_ He thought to himself as he pushed his chair back and made his way to the coffee machine. He needed something to distract himself, he still had to be here working for another few hours on his boss' company videos.

At least his job was a creative one. He'd have died a long time ago if he didn't like his job-  _and wowie, those are morbid thoughts, Ethan. You should just stop thinking now and go back to your funny ad before you think of something that you should very much not do._ He took a long gulp of his cup, grimacing when he realized it was still as black as the night. He hurried to refill his rather large gulp before decorating it with sugar and a bit of cream.

He took another sip and let out a noise of approval, the sweet and bitter tastes mixing together pleasantly across his mouth. He made his way back to his desk and did his best to focus on his job. He had a wonderfully funny and  _completely effective_ ad to make.

Ethan worked for hours before he finished, glad he wouldn't be handing this particular assignment at the last second. He'd been doing that too many times to be happy about his work the past few months. He leaned back and sighed contentedly when he finished. He was done. Of course, he knew since he had the time he would be going over it the next day, just in case. But for now... for now, he was  _done._  And he couldn't be happier.

He frowned. Happy wasn't really the word for it though, was it? Ethan groaned as his content state was disheveled a bit.  _Why can't I just let myself pretend to be happy? I did a good! I finished this latest project with time to spare!_ He sighed and went to take a sip of his coffee, forgetting it was long gone. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, before sitting up as a co-worker walked by.

The guy had short hair, it's tips dyed a frosty blonde, and he had a full, dark beard. He didn't really know the guy, like, at all, so he was surprised when he stopped at his desk and stared at him for a moment. Ethan's vision went hazy for a second before he smiled awkwardly and waved at the guy. The guy blinked at him silently, before extending his hand.

"I'm Felix Kjellberg," he said, his voice holding an accent Ethan couldn't quite place. Ethan shook the guy's hand, albeit a bit hesitant since he didn't know why the guy was there or why he spontaneously decided to talk to Ethan  _now_.

"I'm, uh, I'm Ethan Nestor," he said in response. The guy nodded as if he'd already known, and stared at him with blue eyes that looked like they held far too much knowledge for someone who looked so young. He couldn't help but wonder why.

"How are you?" Felix asked, and Ethan's head tilted, his lips pursing as he thought. Then he shrugged, unsure. He looked away to his empty coffee mug a moment, contemplating his verbal answer, before looking back at the frosty-haired man,

"I... could be better," he started, his eyes flickering around the man's face, unable to stare at his old, knowledgeable eyes for too long, "But, may I ask, why you are here?"

Felix seemed to be taken aback by the question, staring at him as if the answer were obvious.  _Did I miss a memo? Are we supposed to be working together on something?_ Ethan blinked back, before smiling shyly.

"Did I miss something?" he asked innocently, and Felix shook his head gently as if to say  _No, no, I just forgot everyone else doesn't know everything like me and my creepy eyes_. Okay, so maybe Felix wasn't thinking exactly that, but he could be! It's not like Ethan was a mind reader. Felix then opened his mouth and said something Ethan didn't think he'd ever hear, much less hear from a stranger in his work.

"You know Jack."


	9. You Know Him

"You know Jack,"

_Well. That was unexpected._

Ethan blinked once. Then he stared.  _Jack_. A flash of faded green hair. Sparkling blue eyes. A wide, happy smile that lit up the room. A mysterious aura. Tears. Smiles. Sobs. Laughs. A bombardment of memories filling Ethan's mind and he froze.

He had tried so hard to push these thoughts away because they  _hurt_. He didn't know why, but they hurt. So damn much. And now some frosty blonde guy with an accent was just  _talking_ about him. Like he knew him. And all Ethan could do was stand there and stare, before numbly nodding his head.

The man sighed, looked around as if watching for someone, before taking a step into Ethan's little cubicle. A hand was suddenly on Ethan's shoulder, pulling him from his thoughts slowly but surely as the man's grey-blue eyes stared at him,  _into him_. He would swear the man's eyes glowed a bit, but that was impossible.

"I'm an old friend of his, I'm here to tell you to expect him soon. I may have left him and the others, but I never stopped keeping tabs on him. He's been looking for you," the man stated, his eyes seemed to flash before he stepped back and took his hand from Ethan's shoulder. Almost immediately a fog settled over his mind and the younger man had to reach out to steady himself from the suddenness of it.

He grabbed his chair as his legs felt like they were turning to stone, or perhaps it was jello? And it was at that moment he remembered the chair was a swivel chair, and he was suddenly on the floor a dull pain in the back of his head. The stranger's hands were on him then, helping him stand back up and lowering him back into his chair.

_Stay._

He heard the man say it, but even through his foggy mind, he was sure he'd never seen the man's mouth move.  _Tell him Felix_ _says_ _hello,_  and then Ethan was alone in the fog of his mind, desperately trying to wake up.

...

Anti had ended up loathing being 'home'. As soon as he had come back everything in him was buzzing to leave again. During times when he wasn't paying attention his form would occasionally fade into the guise of 'Jack', and the way his form would flicker the others started calling it  _glitching._  He hated it. It didn't help that the longer he stayed away the more thinking of Ethan hurt. He didn't even know  _why._

It had been over four months. He needed to  _stop being so hung up about a guy he barely knew._  Or, that's what he kept telling himself.

"You're thinking again," a deep voice said from behind him, and Anti spun around quickly, scooping the knife he'd taken from Ethan's home up from where it had been resting next to him. He pointed the object threateningly at whoever had the gall to sneak up on him. It was only Dark, and Anti sighed with a roll of his eyes.

"What do you want?" He sneered, turned back to the open space in the wall to look out over the nearby field. He heard a sad sigh from behind him, then some shuffling and the crunching of hay beneath feet before Dark lowered down next to him with a pained grimace.

"I want to know what you're thinking of. What has had my best fr- my best soldier down for the count the past few months, that's what I want," Dark said, turning to face him. He closed his eyes, his head falling down to his chest. He stayed silent.

"Anti, please," Dark's voice was uncharacteristically soft, "I am your friend, tell me what's wrong?" Anti's head turned slowly to eye the being beside him, and he again said nothing. He knew the look in Dark's eye, the traitorous twitch of the lower lid, no matter how subtle. Dark was trying to gain information, he was attempting to manipulate him into giving him all the answers. Anti wasn't about to put Ethan in harm's way just because Dark was being nice to him, he wasn't going to give in.

Dark sighed from his spot next to Anti, before standing with a muffled groan, "I'll find out what happened then, Anti. Don't you doubt it."

"I wouldn't dare," he said with a roll of his eyes, his hand coming up to rub at his throat absently as he looked back toward the field. He heard an annoyed huff from Dark before the soft crunch of hay beneath feet signaled him leaving. Anti sighed again, slowly lowering himself to lay down on the hay covered floor.

"I wouldn't dare..." he repeated to himself. Then he sat upright, eyes wide with a sudden panic.  _If Dark finds out- If he finds a way to have tracked my location he could find-_

"Ethan!"

...

Anti raced down the steps from the loft where he had been and down to the main floor of the shack. He passed a shocked Cry and pushed Mare out of his way in his rush to get down. His form was  _glitching_  profusely, but he couldn't focus enough to keep one single form. He raced through the front doors and out into the sun with a wild look on his face.

"Anti!" Dark was calling him from inside the shack. If Dark hadn't seen him, someone at the very least told him that he was leaving. Anti ignored him, his head wiping around as he spun in a confused circle, thinking.  _How do I leave? Where do I go?_

He jumped when a hand touched his glitching shoulder and he stumbled back away from it, "Don't touch me!" he shouted, swinging around to face whoever had tried to make contact. It was Dark, and the panic surged again, "Stay back! I- I need to- I need-" His words were falling apart, his glitching form and heightened senses making his words come out as static and Anti shook his head, "I n-neEd to g-G-go!"

And then he was gone. Anti had jumped, and he wasn't exactly sure how. He'd never had the ability to do so before, but he didn't focus too much on the surprise leap from one place to another. His skin tingled with electricity and he had no idea where he was.

"Anti!" he heard a distant call of his name and bolted in the opposite direction. He must still be near the shack, he'd probably have recognized the place if he had had a clearer mind, but he didn't. All he knew was that Dark and the others would be looking for him, and he had to go. He had to find Ethan and make sure he was okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look! It's back!  
> I'm sorry for the lack of content lately, but I'm getting back into the swing of things--
> 
> I'd love to hear what you think of this chapter in the comments below!!  
> See you in the next chapter!


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